


The Truth, Always

by nanifairy (ktwrites1530)



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Double B, M/M, non-endgame, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 03:11:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18357410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktwrites1530/pseuds/nanifairy
Summary: "Have I lost him already?""Yes, I think you have."After seven years of friendship, Hanbin and Bobby officially became together. But how come they barely survived a year in an official relationship?





	1. We buried it alive and now it's screaming in my head

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this comes from A Great Big World's I Don't Wanna Love Somebody Else. Chapter titles are lines from the song.

The loud roar of a car’s engine woke Bobby up from his half-sleep. He walked over to the door just in time to see a black Range Rover identical to his pulling to a stop in front of his driveway. Junhoe got out of the driver’s side, and then went around the car to the passenger side.

When Junhoe popped open the door, Bobby got a peek of something green. With a slight move from Junhoe, he saw the shirt design fully—he gave that to Hanbin last Christmas, an oversized green hoodie that Hanbin said was the most comfortable thing he ever owned. He loved that hoodie, judging by the way his eyes lit up when he saw it. He said that apart from being comfortable, the other thing that he loved about the hoodie was that it didn’t cost Bobby much to buy it. Hanbin never liked the idea of Bobby spending too much money on him, so it was a plus that it came from a thrift shop.

Bobby sighed, pushing his hands into the pocket of his sweatpants. Junhoe stood there for a moment, gazing at Hanbin, who was still in the car seat, unmoving. There was a slight shake of Junhoe’s head, and then he leaned in. When Junhoe straightened up, he had Hanbin’s Vans in one hand. Then he took a deep breath before lifting Hanbin off his seat, cradling the man in his arms.

Hanbin moved a bit, wrinkling his nose like he was annoyed at the interruption. His mouth opened in a small yawn, and then closed again. He leaned his head gently on Junhoe’s chest, his annoyance melting into a peaceful smile like he felt he was safe.

Bobby didn’t know why that pained him—maybe because he hadn’t seen Hanbin smile like that in a long while, especially when he was with Bobby.

Junhoe finally saw Bobby when he reached the top of the stairs. He wobbled a bit—Hanbin wasn’t that light—and Bobby opened the door for Junhoe. Junhoe entered the house, finding the living room with ease.

_How many times had he been here?_ Bobby thought, but he kicked that thought out of his head because he had promised Hanbin—no, he _swore_ to Hanbin—that he would try not to feel jealous of Junhoe. (“Try” was the operative word, and Bobby failed, numerous times.)

Junhoe deposited Hanbin on gently on the couch. Hanbin moaned, managing to grab Junhoe’s arm just as he was releasing him. “Stay,” he muttered, and Junhoe glanced at Bobby, apology all over his face.

“Bin-ah,” Junhoe said, turning back to look at Hanbin. There was this gentleness in his voice, some sort of caress, that told Bobby that Junhoe cared for Hanbin more than he was letting on. “I don’t need to. Bobby hyung is here.”

Maybe it was Bobby’s name or the fact that Junhoe had turned him down, but Hanbin’s eyes flew open. He narrowed them again because of the bright lights in the living room, and Bobby reached over towards the switch, dimming them.

“You’re a good guy, Junhoe-ah,” Hanbin said, patting Junhoe’s arm.

There was something in the way that Hanbin looked at Junhoe— _was that hope?—_ and then his eyes were on Bobby’s, and the latter couldn’t read the emotions in them.

The hope was gone; they were empty.

Bobby crossed his arms over his chest, feeling weak enough to lean against the wall for strength. Junhoe crouched over Hanbin, whispering something to the latter’s ear that Bobby couldn’t quite catch. Hanbin shook his head, his mouth forming the word ‘no’ for emphasis. Junhoe smirked, mumbling something—and Bobby only managed to catch the word ‘stubborn.’

Junhoe ruffled Hanbin’s hair, a ghost of his smile on his face. Before leaving, he stopped in front of Bobby, clearing his throat, eyes still on Hanbin. “He called me to pick him up, but I was in the studio. He didn’t want me to call you to do it instead. He said you needed some quiet time or something, and he kept on saying he needed a happy place. By the time I got to the bar, he was already wasted,” Junhoe explained.

_Being with me was one of his happy places. Why did he need to find another one?_ Bobby thought.

Bobby nodded at Hanbin, and then pushed himself away from the wall, hoping he was already strong enough to face this reality.

“I think you and I both know it doesn’t take much to get Hanbin wasted,” he said, and Junhoe nodded, his eyes sad when he looked at Bobby.

“I am sorry, Bobby hyung,” Junhoe said softly, and Bobby wondered what he was apologizing for—that Bobby’s relationship was crumbling in front of his eyes, or that Junhoe was the one that his boyfriend, the love of his life, was turning to instead of Bobby.

Or that Junhoe was the root of most of their fights lately.

“It’s cool, Junhoe. Thanks for taking care of him,” Bobby said as civil as he could, even though it wasn’t cool. It was never cool to do _this_ to a relationship.

Junhoe gave Bobby a pat in the shoulder before heading for the door.

“Junhoe,” Bobby called after him. Junhoe’s hand was already on the doorknob, and he stopped.

“Have I lost him already?” Bobby asked, and Junhoe turned to him slowly, his face showing all the thoughts going through his head—conflict, pain, sadness… guilt.

Junhoe sighed heavily, shaking his head. “There’s never an easy way—” he started, but he cut himself off. Bobby watched him struggle, to get out the words, and then finally, he took a deep breath. He raised his eyes to meet Bobby’s, the emotional rollercoaster ending in conviction.

Bobby could hear it, too, in his voice, when Junhoe said, “Yes. I think you have.”

Junhoe turned away before Bobby could say anything, and Bobby, resigning to his fate, placed his head in his hands. Junhoe left, his car revving loudly in his wake, and Bobby wanted to disappear.

He took one last deep breath, and then he turned back to the living room, surprised to see Hanbin seated, hands folded on his lap. He looked so beautiful, eyes wide open despite being drunk. He gazed at Bobby with a blank stare that caused an ache in Bobby’s chest.

_When will you look at me again in the same way as you did before, Hanbin?_ Bobby thought.

Hanbin took a deep breath. “We need to talk.”


	2. I thought that we would be the greatest story that I'd tell

“Have I lost him already?”

Hanbin strained his ear as he sat up, waiting to hear Junhoe’s answer. Junhoe, of all people, knew what he had kept on denying to himself. A relationship ends before it was actually over, and he was still in the process of trying to figure out when in the ten months with Bobby was the death certificate to their relationship got signed. They survived seven years of being best friends, throughout the distance and time difference and everything else in between. How come they barely survived past a year in an official relationship?

“There’s never an easy way—” Hanbin heard Junhoe begin, the struggle evident in his voice. He paused, and then said, with more conviction, “Yes. I think you have.”

Hanbin fixed himself, moving slightly to see Bobby’s reaction. He was hidden behind the wall, but in Hanbin’s mind’s eye, he could imagine his boyfriend: Bobby would have placed his head in his hands, as if washing it under water.

Bobby took a deep breath, and Hanbin made a quiet one of his own, folding his hands on his lap as he waited for Bobby to come around.

When he did, Bobby gazed at Hanbin. He was wearing his _don’t give a f*ck_ shirt, which wasn’t true because Bobby always gave a damn about everything.

Hanbin wanted to back out, to say that they would be okay, that they could survive this, but he knew he was lying if he did.

And he didn’t want to lie anymore.

“We need to talk.” 

Bobby’s shoulders sagged at those words. He exhaled loudly, walking over to Hanbin. He sat on the center table in front of Hanbin. “Right now?”

Hanbin nodded. “I’m not that drunk anymore, Bobby hyung. I know what I’m doing.” Hanbin didn’t say that he probably wouldn’t have the courage to do this if he didn’t have any alcohol in his system.

Bobby nodded, and then he reached over. Hanbin let him hold his hands, their fingers intertwining. They stared at their hands—how this used to feel right but now it all just felt off. Bobby gently ran his thumb against Hanbin’s tattoo on his wrist—Bobby’s initials and a key to the lock tattoo that Bobby has on his chest.

The tattoos that they got on the day they became official.

“I know what you’re going to say, and I want to stop you, but I don’t think I can,” Bobby admitted.

Hanbin forced himself to look into Bobby’s eyes, the same set of eyes he loved and wanted to wake up to every morning for the rest of his life… until things changed. “This is not working for me anymore.”

“I know.”

“It’s not because of Junhoe.”

Bobby paused. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down his throat, his jaw slack. For a moment Hanbin thought Bobby was going to let it slip, but—

“Really? It isn’t because of him?”

Hanbin met the anger in Bobby’s eyes with his own. “Yes, it’s not.”

Bobby pulled his hands away from Hanbin’s. “I need to understand this. Because believe me—he’s the first reason I could think of why you want to break up with me.”

Hanbin scoffed. “Why, because we’ve been fighting about him for months already and—”

“Yes!” Bobby shouted, and it made Hanbin jump a bit in surprise. “Wasn’t he the beginning of all our troubles, Hanbin-ah?”

Hanbin smiled bitterly. “No, not really,” he said, a tremor in his voice as he tried to control the surge of anger and pain overcoming him. “The beginning of all our troubles, Bobby hyung, was you. You and your habit of making promises you can’t frigging keep.”

Bobby narrowed his eyes at Hanbin. He stood up, starting to pace. He ran his hands through his hair, croaking, “Promises.”

Hanbin stood up, grabbing his arm to stop Bobby from moving. “Yes. Promises,” he spat. “Plural. One was that you’d stay here more often. In Virginia. You know, the place where you asked me to move to? A place that I only knew from your stories and a place where I didn’t know anyone. You asked me to move here because you wanted us to finally, physically be together after years of trying to maintain a long-distance friendship, relationship, or whatever.”

“Hanbin—”

“No!” Hanbin cut him off. “You said you’d ask your management for some time off. You and your group have worked your asses off for _years_ and that maybe it’s time to finally rest. That’s what you said. But what happened? You guys came back with another album, and you’ve signed on for two more world tours.”

Bobby sighed, and when he looked at Hanbin, his eyes were cold. “Hanbin, you’ve been my best friend for years before we got in a relationship. Of all people, you are the one who is supposed to have the best grasp of what all of this entails. You knew what you were getting into—”

“I didn’t, Bobby hyung!” Hanbin let out an exasperated sigh. “When I moved here to be with you, I didn’t. I took a risk, I left my family and everyone else that I know, all because I love you and that is what you said you needed. Me, being here. And I held on to that, because that was the only thing that I know at that time. That I love you, and you love me, and wasn’t that all we needed?”

Hanbin waited for Bobby to react, but the latter won’t even look at him. The tears in Hanbin’s eyes already threatened to fall, but he parried them with a sharp shake of his head. 

And then he plowed on. “I wasn’t sure how we’re going to work out— _if_ we’re going to work out—but I took that risk, because loving you, Bobby hyung, became as easy as breathing. Until it became suffocating. Making this relationship work was just so goddamn hard. It was supposed to be easy. We were best friends, hyung, before all this. How did we screw it up?”  

“Okay,” Bobby said, gears turning in his head. There was a pause, and then when he spoke again, Hanbin saw the resolve in his eyes—his arguments were already formed, ammunition ready.

“I get it,” he started. “I didn’t take time off as I promised. And whenever you come to visit me on tour, it wasn’t the quality time that you expected. I didn’t teach you how to drive when I said I would. I didn’t have the patience for your cooking, and I didn’t give you a chance to show me when you said you were getting better at it. I didn’t have any patience at all with whatever new thing you picked up. I might have another hundred other faults that I could enumerate. Sure, I might have slipped a bit on being the good boyfriend,” he rattled off. “But don’t you think you’re as much at fault here as I am? It takes two for a relationship to work, Hanbin-ah. It also takes two for it to fail.”

Hanbin let out a shaky breath. “What are you saying?”

“Why is there a Junhoe, Hanbin? There shouldn’t be a Junhoe.”

Hanbin groaned. _Here we go again._ “There is a Junhoe because you’re not here—”

“Which shouldn’t be the fucking case, Kim Hanbin! _I_ am your boyfriend! I’m the one you’re supposed to need! I’m the one you’re supposed to trust. I am the one you’re supposed to love!”

“Dammit, Kim Jiwon, _I love you_ , but how? When you’re not even here? When you’re not even trying as hard as you did when were just best friends or when we were in that stupid in-between?” Hanbin spat back.

Bobby scoffed, shaking his head. “Your love, Hanbin, is so conditional.”

Hanbin wiped the angry tears that fell from his eyes, looking at Bobby incredulously. “Condition—what?”

“All I could hear is that you’ll only love me if I’m with you. If I’m _here_ with you. And if I’m not…” His voice trailed, and Hanbin paused, trying to absorb his words.

“And if you’re not, I still do love you,” Hanbin whispered back after a few moments. “You want the truth, Bobby hyung?”

“YES,” Bobby exhaled, almost in relief. “I always want the truth from you.”

Hanbin stepped up to Bobby, holding his hyung’s gaze. “Yes, Junhoe is the reason why we’re breaking up.”

Bobby grunted, averting Hanbin’s eyes. He knew the truth, but it hurt to finally hear it straight from Hanbin. The younger one could see the tears forming in Bobby’s eyes, and then Hanbin continued. “It’s not because I love Junhoe. Believe me, I don’t.”

“Then why?” Bobby said, his voice breaking. The first of his tears fell, and he didn’t even bother wiping them dry.

Hanbin moved to reach out for Bobby, but decided against it, as if any physical contact would cause both of them to break down fully. He drew back. “Because he showed me the life I wanted to have, Bobby hyung. The alternative life. The life I can’t have with you for as long as you’re in iKON,” he said with a heavy sigh. “He showed me what you and I would have been if I wasn’t playing second fiddle to your career and your fans. He made me see who I used to be when I wasn’t _just_ Kim Jiwon’s boyfriend.”

A sob escaped Bobby’s lips. “S-so you’re s-saying—” he paused, gathering his composure. He cleared his throat, and then said, “You’re saying you want out because this isn’t the life that you wanted.”

“At this point, yes,” Hanbin said with a heavy sigh. “It’s not the life that I want.” Hanbin held Bobby’s face in his hands, finally touching him. His own hands were trembling, but he kept on, wiping Bobby’s tears.

“You don’t love who I am.”

It wasn’t a question, but Hanbin answered anyway. “I love who you are, Bobby hyung, even the parts I don’t like. I just don’t love what you do anymore. It’s too much.”

“But what I do is who I am, Bin-ah.”

“It’s not, Bobby hyung. You’re still _you_. Your job is not you. You’re still this guy who is charismatic and friendly and who has the biggest heart I know. The guy who’d send dozens of pizzas to homeless people or send flowers to an old lady to make her smile. You’re still the guy who’d sit next to a lonely girl and talk her out of her misery. You see everyone, Bobby hyung, even the littlest of people, and you make them feel good about themselves. That’s who you are. That’s the man I love. It’s not the iKON leader.”

Bobby stepped away from Hanbin, turning so the younger guy couldn’t see his face. His shoulders shook as he sobbed, but Hanbin didn’t offer any comfort.

“And you don’t like who you turned into when you were my boyfriend.”

Hanbin bit his lip to stop himself from speaking, but Bobby, who knew him well, caught his hesitation.

“You owe me the truth, Hanbin-ah,” Bobby pressed.

With a loud exhale, Hanbin said, “Yes.”

Bobby faced Hanbin, staring at his boyfriend. Hanbin started back, wondering what his hyung was thinking. He used to be able to read Bobby easily, but in the past few months, it became a hit and miss.

Their eyes met. _Was he trying to figure out what changed in me when I became his boyfriend?_ Hanbin thought. Bobby’s gaze when down to Hanbin’s plush lips, his brows in a deep frown. _Did Bobby hyung finally see what took me months to realize?_

And then, after what felt like hours, Bobby gazed into Hanbin’s eyes again, sadness filling them.

Hanbin knew that Bobby knew. That he figured it out.

“I want another truth,” Bobby said, his voice gruff.

“Yeah?”

“Will we still be friends?”

Hanbin stopped, not knowing what to say. Bobby waited, starting at Hanbin, who then said, “I don’t know how we can move past this.”

“That’s bullshit.”

Hanbin raised an eyebrow in question, so Bobby continued. “ _I_ can move past this, Hanbin. With you holding my job and my career against me. I can move past that. Or that you changed for the worse because of our relationship. But what I can’t move past is the fact that you look like you’ve given up on our relationship, and then you’re giving up on our friendship, too,” he said, the fight already out of his voice.

“You tell me if you’re going to be my best friend. If after all this craziness dies down and I can finally be the proper boyfriend that you need, you’ll come back to me. That even if I let you go right now, you’d still be in my life. We would still be friends, because that’s how we started, and that’s how we’re still going to be. Because I know you best, and I can help you get yourself back again, Hanbin-ah—”

“Bobby hyung—”

“Hanbin, please. I can accept that I failed you as a boyfriend, that I wasn’t keeping my end of the promise we made, but what I wouldn’t accept is that I’m losing you completely. You’re my best friend.”

“I’m not the same person I was—”

“You’re still my Hanbin. _Please._ Please say—”

A sob escaped Bobby’s lips, and Hanbin shook his head. He reached behind his neck, removing the latch of the necklace he wore for almost a year now. He caught the platinum ring lined with turquoise gems as it fell onto his palm, cold, and then held it out in front of him.

The ring that Bobby gave him the day he asked Hanbin to become his boyfriend.

Bobby stopped, looking at the ring and then at Hanbin, disbelief in his eyes. “I can’t—not yet. I need some time to be your friend again, hyung,” Hanbin whispered. He reached for Bobby’s hand, aiming to deposit the ring onto his palm, but what Bobby did was close Hanbin’s palm over the ring instead.

Hanbin stared at Bobby’s hand over his, the identical ring matching his that Bobby wore a bad reminder.

“No,” Bobby said firmly, his eyes angry. “I’m already allowing you to walk away from this relationship; I am not letting you go as my best friend as well!”

Bobby forced Hanbin’s hand open, took the ring, and slid it into Hanbin’s left ring finger, still a perfect fit. “You fight for this friendship, Hanbin,” he said, seething. “You fight for _me_ , even just as your best friend, because I’m fucking hell going to fight to keep you in my life.”

Hanbin swallowed his sob, meeting Bobby’s fiery gaze, not speaking.

“Damn it, Hanbin!” Bobby yelled, and Hanbin drew back, taking his hand away from Bobby’s. He grabbed his face, cupping it in his hands, and moved closer—so close that Bobby thought Hanbin was going to kiss him.

It worked—Bobby fell silent.

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to be friends with you. I just said I needed time to work things out. I need time to think, to be someone you can be friends with again,” Hanbin reasoned, and Bobby just sighed.

“A week. That’s all I’m going to give you. After that, we go back to the way we used to—before we were in a relationship,” Bobby said firmly. “We’re going to save this friendship, because right now it’s all we’ve got. It’s all I’ve got with you.”

Hanbin released Bobby’s face, pulling him back to the couch. At first, they just sat apart, but Bobby reached out for Hanbin after a while. Hanbin didn’t move, so he was the one who did, placing his head on Hanbin’s lap. He turned away so Hanbin couldn’t see his face, but the way his shoulders were shaking, Hanbin knew he was crying.

Hanbin took a deep breath, placing his fingers in Bobby’s hair, massaging his scalp. Normally the move would relax Bobby, but this situation wasn’t normal. He heard a sob escape Bobby’s lips, and he dropped low, gathering Bobby in his arms as he hugged him tightly.

This was it.

 _And we thought we were going to last forever,_ Hanbin said, as he let go of the tears he had been holding back, crying with Bobby.


End file.
